you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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