Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
