No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
