anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
