I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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