You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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