dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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