when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
