I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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