Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize