the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
