if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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