oh god the rape fog is back!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
