What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
