I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
be right there i have to get my cape
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
