There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
