why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
