Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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