I hate all girls vehemently.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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