Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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