Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
