You smell like a Billy Joel song
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize