he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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