BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
