literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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