The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
