i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
