You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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