I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
