**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
