you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
