I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
