I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize