I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
