Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
