RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
