She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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