Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
