I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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