I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
