The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
