Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
