It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
