Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
