Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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