Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
