I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize