just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
