having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
