I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
