can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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