so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
