I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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