I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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