Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
