We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
