apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
