I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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