my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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