Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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