i permit you to call me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
